All photos: Alan Mercer Lighting: Eric Venturo
Sandra Stephenson is a certified professional coach, and the founder of Infinity Coaching. She is a graduate of the prestigious International Coach Academy. She uses the ancient form of the spiral to help her clients move from a sense of immobility, to goal setting, and to actions that lead to their highest level of consciousness in the areas of spirituality and creativity. Using the model of the spiral, the coach helps the client change positions, gain new perspectives, create plans, and move into action either internally or externally.
In an earlier career Sandra was a professional actor who starred in movies and television. Currently she is a writer who has written many screenplays and children's stories. Along with those activities she is a professional painter who has had one woman multi-media art shows in Honolulu, Los Angeles, and Berlin in 2008.
Her life experience and education amount to a highly knowledgeable and effective professional coach. Her expertise is in the area of spiritual coaching. She studied with the renowned twentieth century mystic Joel S. Goldsmith and implements in her coaching style the universal principles found in the writings of the Infinite Way. Sandra is certified in the areas of Spiritual Coaching, Life Coaching, Creative Coaching, Relationship Coaching, and Family Coaching.
I adored working with Sandra. She is a warm, loving, understanding and multi-talented artist who is a gentle and wise spirit.....and what a wonderful conversation we had! Eric Venturo controlled our lighting while we had a good time taking these photos!
AM: I know you were an actress a few years ago. Can you tell me a bit about how you got started?
SS: I grew up like many children do, taking singing and dancing lessons and my mother produced community programs and she also wrote plays. Of course she had me performing from the age of 3. Our home was a very creative place with talented people hanging around and young people auditioning for her programs. Our living room was like a stage with a grand piano and a set of drums and other instruments lying around. But I wanted to be like my other friends and just play, so when I was ten years old I told my Mother, “No more! I want to play with dolls!” I realize now how great my mother was, she just said, “Fine.”
AM: When did you get back into it?
SS: Oh, my mother still persisted, thank God, in ways where she would take me out every now and then to meet various people in the entertainment industry. One day she had me out to 20th Century Fox to meet a producer. She was in the producer’s office and a beautiful woman was sitting in the waiting room with me and we started a conversation. She turned out to be an Agent and she was quite captivated by me and asked me if I wanted to be an actress. I was still in my 10-year-old mode of thinking so I said no, but she insisted that if I ever changed my mind to give her a call. It was at that moment that I was so-called discovered!
So when I was fourteen I said to my mother, "I think I'm going to be an actress." Then in high school I started experimenting with performing again and then in college I became part of the theater arts program and started participating in talent shows and during one of those performances I called the Agent and had her come to see me.
AM: So you were performing on stage?
SS: Yes, I was in a talent show singing, “The Last Time I Saw Paris” when my Agent came and signed me up and the other part of the Theater Arts Program was a coveted Children’s Theater that we had to audition for. A Professor and his wife wrote the plays and it was innovative at the time because we performed for elementary schools all over the west side of L.A. After each performance we had an autograph party for the children while we were still in costume. The children loved it and we, as performers, loved it too. It’s so sad to see how the arts have been virtually eliminated out of the public school educational system.
AM: How did you cross over into film and television?
SS: With my newfound Agent in place, I starred in a play called 'The Moon Is Blue'. It was so much fun! My character was on stage for 3 acts and never stopped talking. It was a wonderful part and a very stylish comedy. I loved comedy. My Agent asked a friend of hers, who was a casting agent, to see me perform in it and she put me up for the female starring role opposite Robert Mitchum in 'Thunder Road.' That was my very first professional acting job in film.
AM: You must have been elated!
SS: I was so thrilled. I couldn’t believe it. Robert Mitchum produced the movie, wrote some of the music and co-wrote the script. It was his baby and a story he had always wanted to tell about the moon-shiners and prohibition and the toll it had on hill people in that region. I auditioned for him the next week. I remember that day so well. I felt so confident. I walked into a room filled with men. The writer, other co producers, the director and Robert Mitchum. The room had a locker room feel, someplace where a female shouldn’t be. I just stood there while Robert held court. He was cracking jokes and carrying on. He asked me a few questions and I answered them with no flourishes. He thanked me and I left. I didn’t even read for the part. The next day I got a call saying I had the part. I was shocked.
AM: Were you sophisticated enough at this point?
SS: Yes I was, to some degree. Oh not really! (laughing) I was really so naive.
AM: Was it a good experience?
SS: It was a wonderful experience. It was like opening up a whole new world. Within a week I was having my wardrobe made, my hair changed color and the next thing I knew I was taking my first flight, away from family and friends, and on my own. It was so exciting. I arrived in Nashville N.C. at a beautiful old hotel and opened my door to a really gorgeous suite at the hotel and I’ll never forget the exquisite huge bouquet of flowers waiting in the middle of the room on a large round table. Under the flowers was a really sweet card from Bob. I still treasure that card today because Bob Mitchum gave me my big break and changed my world forever.
AM: So this is what you are going to do with your life. You are now going to audition for more parts?
SS: Robert Mitchum wanted to put me under contract for seven years, but my agent turned it down. She said the studios would be all over me. Then I was offered a contract with Columbia and Twentieth Century Fox, but she turned everything down.
AM: How did this make you feel?
SS: I thought she must know what she's doing.
AM: You had faith in her.
SS: Of course, I was still a teenager and thought that adults knew what they were doing! Then I did a few TV shows but back then to do TV after you’ve starred in a movie wasn’t exactly what was good for your career. The next thing I knew she had me up to star in a horror film, 'Frankenstein's Daughter' and I thought why am I doing this? I thought I was going to have this big amazing career and now she wants me to do this little horror film!
AM: Was it considered a low budget film?
SS: Yes, it was very low budget, she told me, "Honey you better do something since things aren't quite clicking. At least you are starring in it and it's all about you. No one will ever see it but it will be good just to work and make a little money." It was productive in some way because from there I started meeting a lot of interesting people and started getting more into the young Hollywood set.
AM: Is this how you met Jack Nicholson?
SS: Actually I met Jack when I was fourteen, when my father worked for MGM. I worked for a summer as a messenger girl and he was a messenger boy. He and his friends were a little older and they were always laughing and having fun so I thought they were really cool. Then I met Jack five years later at Martin Landau's acting class.
We rehearsed a scene from Tennessee Williams play, "Summer and Smoke," and the fire began.
AM: Aren't you Jack's only wife?
SS: That’s true, he never married again. I must have scared the hell out of him! Just kidding. We had a deep love for one another and we were together for 9 years. We had a daughter, Jennifer, a year after we were married.
AM: This is so long ago it has no relevance in your life today does it?
SS: I think all of our experiences have relevance in our life. One overcomes difficulties and judgments and we move on to higher ground. When there is real love it doesn’t matter if you can live together or not, you still maintain a love and respect for those who have served different purposes in your life. We are now very good friends.
AM: Did you stay good friends from the beginning?
SS: No, I went through difficult periods but with understanding, compassion and self- knowledge I was able to shift my perspective and gain a life no longer hinged to the past.
AM: What made you decide to leave acting?
SS: I knew at that point, I couldn't let my daughter be raised by nannies and back then it was different, you couldn’t bring your child to a set. The truth is, I was fading out of acting and performing. I wanted to have a home for my child to grow in. I wanted to give her a normal natural environment with home cooked meals and serenity. About this time I had a very unusual internal, spiritual experience. I had almost a complete change of consciousness, so much so that friends around me noticed and asked me, “What happened to you? Now as a Spiritual/Creative, Life Coach, this is what I am primarily interested in. I’m helping people reach their highest level of consciousness.
AM: I had my inner shift at the age of twenty-five. Suddenly I became more spiritual. Mine was due to emotional pain. It was hard to find satisfaction. I turned inside and started to really experience life. Is this what I'm hearing you say?
SS: Yes it is, exactly.
AM: Back then the term life coach didn't exist so what were you thinking?
SS: I was primarily an artist. I studied at Otis Art Institute, painted with other artist friends and took many drawing, painting and writing classes at U.C.L.A. Then I became very good friends with the renowned portrait artist, Helen Winslow, with whom I painted over many, many years. She was my inspiration and mentor. Then I started painting portraits of friends, I'd have them over, mainly actors and they would pose and we would paint. It was an incredible time! I was also learning to meditate. I wanted to perceive the world as a beautiful place to live. I wanted to see a reality within myself and within other individuals.
AM: Can you elaborate a little bit on that?
SS: After the spiritual experience, I wanted to know more about reality, I wanted to find a deeper meaning to life. I wanted to find out if there was a common spiritual link among the diverse Cultures and Countries of the world. I wanted to find out if wars can be stopped, if it’s possible to live in a world of peace and joy?
AM: And what was your answer?
SS: A big Yes! I think it’s possible that illumination can take place all over the world. But it has to take place individually.
AM: Did you continue with your painting?
SS: I still paint and in the last few years I’ve had 5 one women art shows and last year I had a one-woman show in Berlin. My project is called: “Previous Image.” It’s all about the persona. The idea of the persona has always fascinated me. The actor in ancient times used the mask, the persona, to hide behind. I like investigating the idea of persona in the context of how Carl Jung viewed it. The persona is that which we show to the world, but which in fact, we are not. In my project I’ve painted and ended up having a 3 way dialogue between, myself now, myself as an actor and myself as a character that I portrayed in movies. Basically, I’ve painted the characters from “Thunder Road,” “Frankenstein’s Daughter,” “Tower of London” and “The Terror” that Jack and I starred in with Boris Karloff. We both worked for Roger Corman in these films.
AM: Did you enjoy the show in Berlin?
SS: It was gratifying. My shows are multi media. In the exhibit I have a video running with clips from my movies and about 24 oil paintings. The video is an art piece in and of itself since the makers of it have edited it with music and superimposed some of my paintings over the clips. It’s an original idea and people seem to love it. The gallery owners also had a mini film festival of my old films for a week. I was interviewed during some of the showings and I discovered I even have a few fans hanging out around the world asking for autographs. It was a first class kick!
AM: Eventually you left Southern California.
SS: Yes I moved to Hawaii many years ago.
AM: What made you move to Hawaii?
SS: I had fallen in love with Hawaii and it probably happened way back when my mother had me dancing the hula in some of her shows and she organized a little musical group when I was 8 years old called “The String Busters of Santa Monica.” I was the lead singer and I played the Ukulele and had a back up steel guitar along with two other guitars and we all wore leis, so the influence came early on. Then when my daughter and I lived in Hancock Park and Jennifer was going to Marlboro, which is a girl’s prep school and that was such a beautiful environment. It was just gorgeous. I heard about this great prep school in Hawaii, the same one President Obama went to. It's one of the outstanding schools in the United States. I was in Hawaii visiting friends and found a beautiful house on the beach for sale. So we put our house on the market and just took off and moved to Hawaii.
AM: So Hawaii felt natural and you acclimated easily?
SS: Oh very easy to do. It's the most gentle place to live and so supportive of everything spiritual.
AM: Did living there enhance your spirituality?
SS: Yes, I would say so. The sounds and smells are beautiful, the clean air, the clear ocean. I love California too. I didn't leave LA because I didn't like it. I love Santa Monica and Venice, it’s where I grew up. As you know, we come over to our little condo here in Venice at least 4 or 5 times a year.
AM: When did you decide you wanted to help other people by being a life coach?
SS: I decided on that just five years ago. Although I had already been doing it forever. They say when you become a coach you realize you've always been coaching. I've taken it to another level now with the skills and techniques that I've learned.
AM: What qualities does one need to be a life coach?
SS: One of the most important qualities is to be a good listener and be interested in other people. You must want to encourage people and not judge. This is a shared experience so what they are doing, you are doing too. You share it together. Being a coach is not being superior to the person you are working with. You don't have the answers; the person you are working with has the answers. You are helping them realize their own answers that come to them from within themselves. You are not there to impose your concepts on other people.
AM: How do you learn these skills?
SS: I took a hundred and fifty classes over a year and a half period. I was being coached and I was coaching people within the community that I was working in. You take written exams. It's a very strenuous program. For me it was so enjoyable.
AM: Do you have a life coach now?
SS: No I don't. Sometimes I think I would like one! I do have two people that every now and then I like to tune into. Actually my husband is my coach.
AM: Did you meet him in this atmosphere?
SS: We met at a spiritual seminar. John is a writer, and an artist and is a teacher of spiritual principles and gives seminars all around the world. We travel a lot to Australia, New Zealand, and all around Europe and England.
AM: Do you coach a lot of people now?
SS: I don't have a lot of people but I do have enough people. I coach on the phone or by skype and I have clients in all parts of the world. So local isn’t important. I also communicate after sessions with recaps on email so the client receives something in writing to study along with their own notes. It's just perfect for me because I have my other creative endeavors, I’m writing a play and a memoir and I’m always painting and then I coach each person once a week. Coaching is about trust and honesty and it has to be totally confidential. Coaching is all about the client. They are the experts on their life. Most of my clients are interested in spiritual living. They are interested in knowing how to apply spiritual principles in their everyday life. Sometimes they might be unclear as to what a spiritual principle is so I help them identify and implement spiritual principles, which by the way, must be practical in everyday living. The most important element for the client is Action. The goal is Action without conflict.
AM: You've seen your clients lives improve?
SS: Oh, Yes. I've seen them grow more confident and become more focused and clear. They start to take action both on the inner level and the outer level. The classic statement about coaching is that coaches help stuck people get unstuck.
AM: What is the first bit of advice you give to a new client?
SS: The starting point is that there are unlimited possibilities and in fact they already have the capacity to reach any goal that they choose. I just help them uncover their blocks and move forward.
AM: Do you think that everything that holds us back stems from our way of thinking?
SS: I think we are held back by our judgments and concepts of ourselves and the world around us. I work with my power tool called, “Concept or Reality,” I help people to question things. For instance, when we have a reaction about a situation or circumstance I help them question whether the reaction is based on reality or based on a concept about the thing. We might find ourselves reacting from a past concept that doesn’t exist now. I also help people see that there are impersonal conditions that come into our mind and we have the ability to accept or reject them. Sometimes the thinking that a person has really isn't the problem, it's what they accept as their own personal thinking that can become a problem. If they start identifying with what we call the conditioned mind and they can't clearly discern that a lot of the thoughts they have are not theirs, I can help them become aware of their thought process and through discipline eliminate negative outcomes. They then become aware of the learned universal concepts that they have accepted as reality. It’s like that great song from South Pacific, “you have to be carefully taught to hate and fear, you have to be taught from year to year.”
AM: Can you give me an example of this type of thinking?
SS: You see there is a physical, mental and spiritual level of consciousness. I’ll give you an example on the physical level, for instance, a person who has accepted a belief that they cannot walk a few miles then believes they can't do it. But the truth is that physically there is nothing stopping them. But there might be a level of fear or a concept they have accepted about themselves and their body that makes them think they can't do it. In coaching we ask, what is that concept that you have about your body? We look at the difference between a fact and a concept; perhaps the concept is based on the past. Maybe someone tripped and fell once and they believe they can't walk for a long distance. Then they become aware that the fear is based on concept not reality. This is just a very simple example. There is always an infinite array of opportunity and multi-leveled experiences within each coaching session. Usually what is holding someone back is based on fear and desire. As you might know, all good drama is based on desire and loss, so I might ask clients, what kind of script are you writing for yourself?
AM: Do you think most people need to be more open-minded?
SS: It all depends upon what we are opening our mind to. I think it's more about not judging and becoming more aware of our concepts and how they might influence us on a sub-conscious level. When we become aware of our judgment it then becomes a conscious choice and no longer is a knee jerk reaction.
AM: Do you think most of us are judgmental as a rule?
SS: Yes, we are constantly judging everything as either good or bad.
AM: So you are saying get rid of all that and get good at recognizing when you are being judgmental.
SS: When you find that you are judging, usually that has to do with having a concept about whatever it is.
AM: Obviously you believe in abundance.
SS: Oh, of course I think abundance is a natural law of the Universe.
AM: What is love?
SS: Love is the essence of everything when you can see it. In a practical sense, love is consideration, kindness, gentleness and a feeling that cannot be described. I think that real love is selfless. It doesn’t ask for a return. It is just a state of being, where nothing can separate or make false. There are many levels of love and I think it is useful to find out what state we are in when we notice we are loving. Love can be universal, spiritual love, or brotherly, impersonal, or passionate, personal. I think the best personal relationship, like a marriage, might have all levels in place.
AM: I believe this whole heartedly. It's either love or it isn't.
SS: Exactly.
AM: Do you find clients looking for love?
SS: I find them looking for love, but many times they want it served up in a certain size, age, color and level of money in the bank.
AM: That's the hard part isn't it?
SS: I like to think of it this way; if you had everything and didn’t have love you would have nothing, but if you had love, you would have everything!
AM: When you get to the bottom line is that really what it boils down to?
SS: I think so.
AM: Do you think that spirituality is so simple we tend to complicate it?
SS: Absolutely, we cannot grasp the simplicity. It’s like looking at a beautiful sunset. Did we do anything to bring it about?
AM: I like to only focus on one word to keep it very simple.
SS: That's what I do a lot in coaching. We find one word that really resonates and you can take that word and utilize it throughout your day. If you get off balance you can remember that word. It's really a form of meditation.
AM: The word I use more than any other is trust.
SS: Beautiful, that is perfect.
AM: How fortunate for the people that get to have you as a life coach.
SS: Thank you, Alan, for interviewing me. I feel very honored. I must say, it is a joy to talk with you and it is a joy to coach and share with you all that I’m spending my energies on. I love it! There's a coach for everything under the sun and my coaching is based on the idea that, “Infinity is the measure of your Being.” That’s why I call it, “Infinity Coaching.” There are no limitations whatsoever when you can perceive your innate unfathomable Self. Then you can do whatever is your calling with meaning, purpose and confidence.
Visit her painting website: sandraknight.com or email her at: alohacoach@hawaii.rr.com
0 comments:
Post a Comment