Um.

Massive bather makes splash in German lake:

Call it "The Bath of the 70-foot Woman." Or "Two Tons of Mermaid."

The real name of the massive woman in a Hamburg, Germany, lake is actually "Die Badende" ("The Bather"), and she's an ad for British beauty brand Soap & Glory.

"We launched Soap & Glory in Germany last year, and we've been looking for a way to say, 'Thank you!' to everyone for embracing our products, and making us a real success there. At Soap & Glory, we consider it our calling to bring more beauty to the world, and have fun doing it – 'Die Badende' does exactly that," the brand's founder, Marcia Kilgore, said in a news release.

Okay, player.

I know that beauty and fun are subjective concepts, but I'm not sure that either "beautiful" or "fun" are exactly the first words that would come to my mind to describe a 13-foot-high, 67-foot-long, and two-ton statue of an objectified woman, positioned so that boatfuls of gawkers can paddle between her knees.

It will spend 10 days in Hamburg's Inner Alster Lake.

Apparently, "Die Badende" is as modest as "she" is massive. Soap & Glory promises a crane will be standing by with a supersize towel when "Die Badende" is ready to come out of the water.

Oh good lord.

Naturally, I am reminded of Chicago's Marilyn sculpture. Isn't it interesting that, in the middle of a ferocious feminist backlash in the West, giant statuary of sexualized retro pin-up girls are suddenly en vogue...?

Well. I can't wait for the seven-story Rosie the Riveter to hit Cleveland.

(If only.)